Perception, true friends, and serving one another

It's funny to watch bands grow. We're are just normal guys in their early twenties who still suffer from social awkwardness and personality quirks that stem from spending the last five years playing guitar or drums on friday night while living with their mom and dad.

Now, as these bands get bigger, we have to start playing the role of someone who is respected every time they walk into a room. Most of us musicians are just trying to avoid looking stupid by verifying the perception that everyone else has. I guess it would be a let down to meet someone who full of radiance in press photos but just stands with humble slouch when you meet them in person.

The funniest part to me is running into the guys I've known before the rest of the world perceived them as rockers. They are obviously still the same guys I played shows with in the basement and house show days, but they've become so used to walking into a room and playing into the perception that they start to do it out of habit. It's hilarious when they start doing it to me because they usually don't even realize they're doing it. Or maybe there is an unsaid rule that if a band has sold 100,000 records since the last time you saw them, then they've actually became a stronger super human and it has nothing to do with perception. Therefore, all band members should be feared and admired, even by the people who know that five years ago they worked in a furniture store. And of course, I'll never just point the finger because that's me. I used to work in furniture store warehouse, and I lived with my parents even after I turned 21.

I'm not sure if I can do it anymore. You know, walk into a room of people I've known for 10 years and pretend that I've somehow become the validated opinion that everyone should listen to. I remember the first time someone asked me for an autograph. It was playing in El Paso, TX in a tiny cafe no less. I felt so torn because I didn't want this person to think I was any better than they were. But, they'd had already asked me for my autograph, so they obviously thought so. In efforts to justify it in my own mind, I put the reference of my favorite bible verse underneath my signature hoping they would later look up the verse and find true admiration in a Person who serves others.

Now I just sign my name when someone asks me for an autograph. Does that mean I've lost my conviction or that I'm starting to like the idea of people thinking I'm better than the average person?

Here is the best example I can give for you to see my perspective. Take a friend that you've hung out with since you were 10. You respect him or her but in the sense of true love and not necessarily admiration. It is easy to give this respect because your friend never demands it. This is a friends who just wants to share their life with you and the motive is nothing more than that.

Now, imagine your friend wins an award for something that really doesn't matter in the publics opinion. Unfortunately, the best example of something that our society wouldn't care about is a reading competition. No one would really give more respect or admiration to the person who read the most books in 2008. While it is widely accepted that your friend is no better off socially than anyone else, it would be ridiculous if he or she walked into your local bar and tried to pretend like they were the next big thing. I can picture "the ultimate book reader" so proud of the 300 books they read and wanting to make sure everyone else recognizes it.

The irony is that someone who read 300 books even in lifetime would naturally have tons of perspective and insight. If you had to view someone's opinion as more valid than the rest of ours, then this person would be much more worth listening to than the guy who sold 300,000 records. Although, whether it's 300 books read or 300,000 records sold, we're all no different that the rich jerk who walks into a restaurant and flashes his or her big wallet to receive better service. It's cliche to say it, but power corrupts.

I love being reminded of the days when I thought the servant hearted person was the guy worth being friends with. I guess the toughest part of being perceived as a "successful" musician is that people don't want me to serve them. Therefore, there are very people that I can ever truly be friends with. My true friends remain the ones who knew me before the big numbers and grammy nominations ever happened. While they are the ones that serve me from time to time, it is truly my joy to serve them.